NOT SURE IF DRUNK OR JUST SLEEP DEPRIVED
real life problems.
“tonight is the night” is an ominous ass thing to hear from the person pouring you drinks.
i haven’t slept in 36 hours and my coteacher is trying to get me drunk. he told me tonight is the night and to just have study periods tomorrow instead of trying to run a class. mercy.
imma put it on her
a few years ago, i had this huge crush on a girl. she was volunteering at a non-profit that my ad agency was doing a pro-bono project for. we were in the board room and she came in late, and i think i stared at her with my mouth open for like 13 seconds. we spent a lot of time together doing shoots for this project that turned out to be way more than we thought. i did not mind. she was awesome....
darkeningx: I talk to you in very much the same way I try to drink my coffee before it turns cold
i must still want this...
…because even the thought of pulling it off makes something flutter in my chest.
i’ve been thinking about you… wait. i wanted to start this differently. i miss you. no. that’s not right. i mean, it is. but it’s not what i really want to say. i want you. that’s it. i want you. maybe you can come lie with me we could occupy this space together. fill this room with nothing you could kiss my eyelids and press your head against my chest and i could...
so my (insert name here) was in boston this weekend for a visit. i woke up this morning and did my usual cursory glance of CNN breaking news and saw about the horrible things that happened there. if i were a better person maybe, my first thought would have been about the tragedy as a whole. but my heart nosedived and all i could think about was her being okay. i’ve never had a huge loss. my...
when i've lost my way...
i am too fucking much. but when i find it again… it’s everything. i feel good. i would say my thoughts have gotten quieter, but that’s never the case. they’ve just evolved. i’m happy.
i’m in love with a girl who’s in love with the world though i...
"If people were rain, I was a drizzle and she was...
i saw this quote on tumblr and had to read the book [looking for alaska by john green]. i read it in like 5 hours which is pretty notable because (1) i do not consider myself to be a speedy reader at all and (2) i can’t remember the last time i devoted 5 straight hours to any single thing. i really liked it. like all the books that i like, i just thought it was a fairly simply story that...
today i worked out until the pain in my body matched the pain in my heart i had 60 glorious minutes of nothingness long gone now i’ve been trying to understand what makes me most sad i’m not important anymore i don’t get to be hurt and sad and have a shitty day or feel destroyed about my family and know someone genuinely cares and will be there i know there are worst things but i...
I want you to stay with me. And that’s the problem. Every time you leave me, I...– Karina Halle, Lying Season (via blumen-wiese)
i miss my family.
they’re not around (or i’m not rather) but that really has nothing to do with it. i feel rejected. i don’t feel a part of them anymore. i simultaneously feel their love and rejection, and they are able to both love and refuse me. i’ve never felt wholly loved by anyone. i feel like people have always loved parts. and some have loved many. some have even loved the ones i hate...
i stumbled on this site with all these photos of modern day ruins and abandoned places. it’s something i love but didn’t know i loved until today. they have a quiet stillness that makes you think of a place that hasn’t been seen or touched before. i think that’s what pulled me in. people had been there. and when they were, it was ordinary. but then the last person walked...
dude: you're a really good dancer.
me: yeah, no... you just think that because you're not black.
(my weekend in seoul pretty much. good times.)
it’s been a long day. i teach too many classes on monday. when my coteacher gave me my schedule, he told me it was bad. the fact that he acknowledged it was bad shows that it’s pretty fucking bad. i feel tired. physically and otherwise. i have something i really want to talk about but can’t just yet. and i kinda really just want to talk. lastly, primarily, and...
there is so much beauty in pain. i don’t relish in it and in most cases would avoid it if afforded the opportunity. but, i see it. waiting for me to appreciate or at least not bemoan it so much. i am trying. miserably, most days. i try to remind myself that feeling a loss means you had something worth aching over. i don’t want to ache so much. it’s not good for me because...
really bad day.
being alone is usually my preference, but feeling profoundly alone is kind of the worst. i’ve needed so much this week that i cannot have. i have so much to share, and i feel like i have no one to really share it with. eh.
watching "my strange addiction"
why are people only addicted to the things that kill them?
1 bottle of wine. 1.5 bottles of soju. 3 bottles...
new record, maybe.
i’ve been submerged in this thick, bellowing sadness. i feel like i’m beginning to see the surface. even if it is still above me. i’m reminded of all the times i thought i would feel something forever. when i believed that my mind would never let go of the thoughts that held me. but it passes. last week i burnt my arm pretty badly on this old school furnace at school. it took a...
I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not...– (via fassadenmensch)
i love that feeling when you dull the feelings everything slows down you don’t want it to stop
beer & benadryl.
ythndlst: “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
let me give you a love so gripping that it makes you feel free
locksandglasses: I fall in love every day with the same woman.
so i’m back in korea… it sucks. not korea itself. i’ve realized that this is actually a pretty nice place to live. it sucks because we’re back to trying to fit ourselves into each other’s schedules with a 14-hour time difference. i’m not a person that despises time alone. i welcome it, in fact. but the alone you feel when you’re away from the person you...
this really is the sweetest thing i've ever known.
come home to me.